Between Prayers & Promises

A Journey Through Faith, Fear & Grace

Every heart holds a whispered prayer,

A promise made in darkest night,

When walls of certainty crumble

And what we thought was God

Reveals itself as just another story.

Between whispered prayers and broken vows, between sacred heights and shadow grounds, I've made the same promise again and again: "Get me through this, God, and I'll share your word—tell them how You never left, how You hide in our deepest depths."

For 44 years, I've made this promise. From ultra-orthodox halls in Jerusalem to Wall Street, from Silicon Valley to Beverly Hills ceremonies - each time I found myself on my knees, the same words would emerge.

But here's what I've learned about promises to God - they're not about earning divine love. They're invitations to remember we're made of it.

My journey began in the body, born into ultra-orthodox Judaism where God felt like a harsh judge watching my every move. Meanwhile, my parents wrestled with heroin addiction behind closed doors. My first lessons were in separation - it's not safe to be seen, not safe to tell truth, not safe to trust.

So I ran. First to secular life, then to business success. Started companies, chased millions, built the perfect facade. If I could just achieve enough, prove enough, succeed enough - maybe then I'd feel whole. Every external achievement was another attempt to fill the God-shaped hole within.

Divine grace has ways of breaking through our carefully constructed walls. For me, it came through plant medicine and shamanic work - showing me glimpses of what I'd forgotten. But even that I turned into another identity, another way to hide. Until life brought me to my knees. Again. And again. Each crisis an invitation to turn inward, where God had always been waiting.

Now, finally keeping my promise - not from fear or bargaining, but because my heart remembers what my mind forgot. We are divine love expressing itself through human form. Our struggles aren't punishment - they're preparation. Our shadows aren't obstacles - they're portals.

Between Prayers & Promises

We are all prodigal children,
Running from grace that never left,
Building temples of achievement,
Seeking in substances and success
What can only be found within.
Some of us chase God through doctrine,
Some through business or drink or love,
Some through endless roads of seeking -
All of us trying to remember
What we knew before forgetting.
But grace has infinite patience,
Waiting in every broken promise,
Every moment of surrender,
Every time we fall to our knees
And whisper, "Help me find my way home."
Perhaps this is what faith means -
Not blind belief in ancient words,
But trusting the thread of love
That weaves through every story,
Even the ones we're afraid to tell.
For in our deepest wounds lie portals,
In our shadows dance our light,
In our addictions hide our longing,
In our failures rest our flight
Back to the love we never left.

This is my prayer for you today:

May you see the grace in your darkness,

The teaching in your trials,

The medicine in your mess,

The God in your humanness.

For every promise leads us home,

Every prayer breaks us open,

Every fall brings us closer

To the truth we're made to know:

We are love remembering itself.

Your promise to God - whether spoken or felt - isn't about earning love. It's about remembering you're made of it.

It's time to keep our promise.

It's time to remember who we are.

It's time to let our light shine.

With an open heart,

Oriya